My Journey to Jail a Few Days Ago
By Corey Haag
For about a decade now, I have been a Constitutional Traveler. This means that I do not contract with the state for a License to Drive, register or license my private property, or find cause to pay for insurance. For the most part over these years, I have gone unnoticed or been intentionally ignored by agents of tyranny, the road pirates known as police officers. But on occasion, my circumvention of the unjust and unconstitutional so called “laws”, is taken notice of, and the pirates make it their mission to harass, threaten, coerce, and even imprison me. Just over a week ago I was sent to jail as a result of this. Here is that story.
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In June of 2022, I was chased down by a person in a costume and wearing a shiny badge. This person thought it was their job to threaten me and demand that I appear at a very serious meeting in a place they called the court. On the piece of paper they dropped through my window, it stated some more specifics about a “courthouse.” Who knows why anyone would put a house in a court, but that was the way of it. And what kind of court was anyone’s guess. Perhaps a tennis court, basketball court, or even a racquetball court. But anyway, I felt that not showing up might upset these conspirators enough to make them chase me down some more, so when the time came, I headed over to the court.
At the court, I described how I did not understand why I was there, how I was harassed and coerced and threatened to be there, and how I reserve all of my rights expressed in the constitution and under God. The funny-looking clown in his highchair did not seem to appreciate this and decided then to arrange further meetings with added threats coming from him. He apparently thought the original threats were not enough. Well, I told him I had no interest or reason to come to further meetings and that I oppose all the threats made as any honorable and principled man might.
Some months later, I was travelling from my home to pick up some oil for my generator at the local store, and it just so happened that another funny costume and badge wearing pirate was loitering on my road. He/it decided to follow me around and ride right up against the back of my private property. At some point he turned on some flashing lights, which made me think that he was trying to tell me he was in a hurry to get somewhere. I got out of his way, but instead of passing by and going about whatever his emergent business was, he stayed right behind me. I stopped, and he stopped.
A moment later he was standing next to me demanding something unintelligible about papers and I-Ds. I told him I could give him some papers if he liked. He did not like it. He insisted that I tell him my name. I told him that wouldn’t be a problem, it’s just that I don’t normally continue to hang around when people are unpleasant toward me. He seemed a very serious kind of man, and he was open carrying a firearm. Its always best to be polite and respectful, but even more so when angry, gun-toting, costume-wearing clowns are chasing you. De-escalation is the key.
Anyway, he took my name and went away for a while. When he came back, he told me that he would have to “arrest” me because I had a “warrant.” I questioned him on this, and he indicated that he was going to violate me regardless of my choice. I weighed the options and considered it best to acquiesce to the demand to avoid the greater threat that he posed to my safety in the moment. That’s called “under duress.”
Next moment, I was chained very uncomfortably in his vehicle. But at least I was still breathing, with no bullet holes from this kidnapper’s firearm, no blood having been spent from this man’s blunt objects that he carried on his belt, and no toxic exposure from his other implements.
We arrived at a place he called the “jail” into which he demanded I enter. There I met some other people who were all dressed in the same funny costume as the first guy. “Well,” I thought to myself, “it’s a whole college of clowns.” One even said he was the “captain.” I didn’t know that clowns had captains. I just called him brother. Figured it would be better to make him feel comfortable. He didn’t like that though and glared at me for a while.
As I sat waiting for some outcome of this adventure, I kept informing these conspirators that I had to use a bathroom or things were going to get very weird very fast. Finally, after a long while, they decided that they would rather not have to clean up a mess and put me into a tiny room where they could watch me as I relieved myself through a window. I was getting really creeped out now. These weren’t just clowns, they were sad, angry and perverted clowns.
Well, they said that they needed me to give them some information about myself, and I cordially told them that I didn’t want to. They didn’t like that. They really seemed to want to get to know me intimately. They wanted to know where I live, how tall I was, the color of my eyes, what I looked like without clothes on, and who my family and friends were. Not only that, they wanted to get pictures of my fingers and hands. It was getting out of hand. I refused wholeheartedly, saying, “don’t you have better things to do?” They didn’t and told me to shut up. They even said that they would hold me indefinitely unless I gave them this long list of information. There wasn’t anything for it. They already had me in this weird sanitarium. I acquiesced again, making sure to write on all the documents that I was under duress and feared for my life and safety. They didn’t like that so much, but finally agreed that we had settled that affair.
They then made me take off my clothes and put on other clothes, all orange. At this point I was thinking these guys were out of their mind. They want to dress me up like some sort of doll. Again, what was there to do. They would just threaten me all the same. So, I changed clothes, and allowed them to parade me through some halls and into another room, much bigger this time, filled with other people all wearing orange. That’s when I finally comprehended what was happening. These strange clown pirates were putting me into their private zoo. They were truly insane. Didn’t they know that they could watch people all day long every day just by sitting in parks. Apparently, they wanted a private show.
They brought me to a phone and made me conduct a “voice recognition” on the phone before they would let me call my family. But now I was really confused. These clowns were allowing me to call my rescuers. Well, I wasted no time and called my people. Everyone was startled that I had been kidnapped and confused about the presence of clowns. It is certainly a strange thing to convey over an unexpected telephone call.
I spent the night in a room by myself that night. The next morning, I awoke to a clown telling me I have “court.” I hadn’t seen any kind of court so far, but I thought to myself, “I could use some exercise, and I’m fairly decent at basketball. Let’s do it.” But there were no balls in this court. Only a host of clowns and some funny people on a computer screen all speaking very seriously. I recognized one of them as the one called a “judge,” because he too was sitting in his highchair. He was certainly a judgmental person. A few others in orange were brought up one after the other to talk to the man in black. He just bossed them around quite a bit and told them how he was going to harm them. It was quite unpleasant to watch. Finally, they told me to go talk to him. I immediately told him that I would like to leave this strange clown zoo, to which he said, “no.” I told him that I wanted to get back to my family, but he just told me to give him my money. In fact, he said that I had to give him $1000, or he would tell the other clowns to keep me in my tiny room with the other orange people. Then he turned off my microphone and told the clown pirates to take me away, which they did.
I immediately called my family and told them of the ransom amount. The next day, my family came and paid off the clowns and they gave me my clothes and other property back and told me to go away. They also gave me some papers that said that they wanted me to come back on a different day.
Well folks, these clown pirates are everywhere. Its like every time I go outside, they are loitering on every corner, looking for new victims to extort, kidnap, harass, threaten, coerce, and force their perversions upon. I really think we ought to do something about this. How long will we allow this army of clown pirates to roam freely about taking people to their private zoos? How much shit does a man have to take before he says, “NO MORE!”
I imagine a world where clowns pirates are only allowed to perform in circuses. I imagine a world where men are free from tyrannical men in highchairs. I imagine a world that is void of unnecessary violence from unprincipled, psychopathic, perverted, and criminal mobs of funny-looking arrogant assholes.
If you find yourself on a jury for a false crime, where no victim exists, and the state is the only accuser, be sure to disregard their claims and liberate the free man or woman with a hearty NOT GUILTY! Because we are all not guilty who are the peaceful, the free, the just and the sensible people of this land. Support your fellows and peers. Support your humanity and deny the authoritarians their unearned power. We are born under God and in nature. We are not chattel, and we are not slaves. We are free people, you and me. It’s time we started living as such.
Stay Vigilant Freedom Fighters!
p.s. Don’t you worry folks, I’ll be keeping you up to date on all the clownish activities to come. Stay tuned.
Death before Dishonor means I will die before I give one iota of my life in slavery to the slavers.
Good Luck Freedom Fighters.
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Love this article and the lens it was told through! It's not ironic, but synchronicity that I wrote about a similar thing and released it on the same day, at the same time!